I realise it has been so long since I’ve posted anything that I’m palpitating right now thinking about what to write. Most of the time when I’ve sat down to do some writing, I’ve had a plan. A plan to write. A plan to go on about what to put in the post. A plan to execute a mean joke (that would one day make it to a dank meme page). What I’ve not planned today is how I see myself right now. I don’t mean looking at myself in the mirror wondering if I’ve put on weight, or fretting about the little spots popping up here and there on my face. These are things that always matter to a girl but needn’t be given so much importance. As fat or skinny or weird or stupid as you are, you will always find someone that likes you more than anyone has. But what does it really mean to look at yourself? To mirror your Self. You are a human being, that is very well equipped to look inside. Look inside your heart and maybe it tells you that that person you thought you have a crush is worth enough to put some effort towards. Look into your own eyes, it’ll open up a little path into your self. The one you don’t like facing. The one you run away from. We can pretend all we want, but the very thing that eats us up from inside is the acid named I. I and the ego are replaceable words that mean the whole world to a soul in regression. Let’s say you’re on your way to a party and the people who are your friends decide to hold it in a place that you don’t like so much. According to the norms in our society, it’s wrong to say no. So you go along to that party and completely screw it up for yourself because you tried conforming. It’s not something you wanted but you did it anyway otherwise “what’ll they think if I say no?” If you say no, you end up being labelled as a stuck up, obnoxious bitch (very gender neutral term so don’t go off on me, feminists). But when your gut is anyway asking you to not go ahead your mind shuts every voice in your body down because the mind is giving you a false sense of satisfaction in the acceptance of people. When you feel that you’re accepted, you automatically assume you’ve turned into a “good” person because even you won’t like people turning you down for things. This is where our problem lies, as a society. We are currently so engrossed in being liked and accepted by everyone that the moment an opposite action happens, we are left fending for our hurt ego. The ego is an element in you that can never be eliminated, it can only be used as a tool for good. If you help an elderly woman cross a road, you’re being a good person. If you help an elderly woman cross a road, then spend time thinking about how you helped the woman and feeling like YOU are a good person, it’s that moment when you’ve associated with the tiny person residing in your self, your ego. Associating with the ego will give you a false sense of good within yourself. Honestly, deep down you may not be a good person, but your attachment to ego has firmly made you believe in how amazing you are.
Good and bad is again relative and I don’t think I can endure Carpal tunnel happening to me while explaining the relativity of good vs bad. Maybe a post for another day. Putting across a disclaimer right now that “I’m not preaching against social media.” How has the world turned out presently? You write something to amass some likes and comments, you post pictures to have your ego boosted by comment and likes again. An endless cycle of appreciation and depression associated with lack of attention is the shallow cycle we are stuck in nowadays. Having random people like your pictures on Instagram and in reality coming back to a loveless and lonely life at the end of the day is what we are trying to avoid. So after coming back home we step out again to go drinking and partying and finding all sorts of excuses to be with friends. In the process of knowing your own self, you will lose friends, you will gain life partners, you will be outcast. What people will never realise is, a person awakened to his own self is a person who has no attachment. Being attached to things and people make us sad in the lack. Your state of looking inside at yourself will open up wounds so deep within yourself, you’ll never know they existed. The turmoil you face while having your whole identity that you’ve associated with for so long, shredded away, will leave you gasping for air. But eventually, after your own purge spits out a Self that is opening up to be your real self, the gratification is so immense that no amount of materialistic joy can fulfill. Lack of dependence on anything apart from your self is refreshing. You will never need a crutch. You’ll not need to wait for anything except for the things you’d like to have for your own joy and happiness and to have your little heart fill with joy on having a new best friend in the same body, is all humans are looking for. Humanity is a good cycle, it’s about to end and all I’m asking you to do is love yourself (as a person you are and please don’t preach on social media how much you love yourself by putting down the men in your life and dressing up like a hoe. Know your differences) before it’s too late.
Post title stands for mirror.
Madvocab 
I haven’t seen you write in a long time and when you have finally written something, it seems you’re standing at a path in your life where it is becoming futile to constantly try and deflect problems the society, norms, people, and most importantly, your own Self is putting you through to make sure that this time, this time you confront these issues face on. It seems you’re fighting a battle of identity and at the same time, somehow blame yourself for not acting in some way you think you should have; perhaps you blame yourself for not living up to ‘standards’ set by people. There is at struggle here. And you’re fighting hard.
Let me tell you something: none of it is your problem-and in a way- everything is.
What we end up doing is all the years of accumulated identity what we call ourselves, is nothing but impressions caused by life itself- what we see, do, people we meet, things we experience. Once the impressions are gathered( we are doing this right now!) We see everything through this lens. And this is a constant process. And our actions henceforth are based upon this heap of impression. What we set up ourselves for, is a life glowing like the sun, and the impressions like a tattered sheet of cloth through which some sun rays pass and some don’t. The places where light falls, we call that our likes and the shadow zones, dislikes. This distinction has caused us to not see life completely. And that’s where our problems arise.
Not seeing life completely, not experiencing it completely in each passing second is the reason of our miseries and of all the miseries that we see around us; for what we are, our world is that in 7.2 billion permutations and combinations. So, the very people who seem to bother us, somehow only are bringing the deep lying problems within us out on the surface for us to deal with correctly. And unless we do, there is no escape from the misery.
Coming back to you. What is the source of yours, my dearest? What compelled you to confront yourself? All ive done is made guesses according to my level of understanding of an infinite universe thst you are- and one you can open my eyes to the truth that you face today.
How about we sit down for a coffee sometime and you perhaps go bare naked with everything that you are? That would be one heck of a story I’d be all ears to. 🙂
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