Coming Back to Life

If Lost For Words by Pink Floyd was my life story, I’d sanction a movie on it for a million dollars while I live it out. Funny how you spend decades (though I’ve only lived through two and living the third, so I’m not really an expert at statistical conclusions yet) trying to find that one artist, musician or band that sums up parts of your life. Pink Floyd does that well and the right one brought it through my door (subtle lost for words reference). Situations in life have been summed up in single songs. It’s a nice feeling, not to say anything yet when someone asks you can just point to a particular song on your playlist and say “you listen to this, this is  what I want to say”. I write. But I can’t speak. You can pay me in Pink Floyd merchandise to talk and all you’ll get would be a feeble okay. If I could spend some months in absolute silence, would never mind that situation. Silence is not golden, it’s the root of all your consciousness. So why not take it and make it your own? Silence retrieves all those parts of your soul that you didn’t know existed, silence will bring it out to you and say to you, “do your job”. And there’s no way out. Which is why meditation is scary. You’ll never know what you’ll find. Forrest Gump – My mama said life is a box of chocolates, you’ll never know what you’re gonna get. So true right? Life is a box of chocolates. Life is a Zara sale. Life is also an all you can eat buffet. Your own life is the most Oscar worthy movie you’ll ever watch, and silence is the popcorn you take with you. We all read on these self help websites (aka motivational sites) about life. For eg. Happy women are pretty women (somewhere along those lines). What about the ones who don’t consider themselves pretty yet are happy on some level of existence? What about the men? I pity the men nowadays. Reduced to a shitty purpose of being silent about women who’re wreaking havoc on themselves and portraying a completely false notion of what feminism is and ought to. These women are the ones who don’t stay silent. I’m not the one advocating womanhood’s silence when it comes to important issues. No one should be silent on the face of wrong. But men are humans too. I can’t sit and explain my view over feminism which I’m sure is going to be misconstrued as chauvinism or misogyny. Working for women’s right is one thing but walking naked during a protest with your tits hanging out is not fighting for rights. This was never a question of rights anyway. Which is why, silence is the one of the most precious things you can give your own self. How will you be silent if your own mind is taken up by monotonous and boring everyday work and you refuse to take time out for yourself.

I have recently started being a quieter person, the kind to actually not just speak to reply but listen and then reply. I’m proud of myself for reaching here. I’ve had a partner who’s been my support through good and bad and never lost sight of what I could be. And why I’ve reached this point in my life with him is only because we shared silence. There have been long gaps in our talks over the phone where silently we are reading each other’s minds (without saying a word) and finally when we open our mouths to say whatever pops up first, it’s always the same words from two ends. It’s magic! (Awkward Shia LeBouf reference). I’m a girl who’s mostly lost for words, I can pen down everything but saying things creates a barrier in my mind that sometimes gets very hard for me to cross (I try though). I may think something and say something completely different. But I always write what I think. Finding silence in crowded places is my kind of meditation. I love absolute pindrop silence but it’s really hard to find. Pi drop silences make people uncomfortable because you start hearing your thoughts, heartbeats, joints, ear-ringing so much more louder than you’d like.Silence helps you put everything in perspective and then in slow motion where you can watch your own self doing actions that are visible to you. Being silent and being alone are two things we underestimate and these are the only two things that will help your soul slowly push off the burden you’re carrying. These are cleansers doing a better job at helping your skin glow than that Clinique face pack you spent 5k on.

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