Kintsukorai 

What is it about wounds that makes us cringe looking at them, but still want to keep itching or scratching it all the time? It’s like that ex right? You hated him/her for fucking your life up but keep going into the same territory all the time. You see them and just like that you’re wounded. That’s an emotional and a mental wound. Flesh wounds are so much more tolerable. Sometimes. So why am I onto wounds today? Because, simple, they make you bleed. I remember I had a major accident where most of the flesh on my wrist had gone and I could see the bone. Later, since I’d broken my bone too, my whole hand was cast in plaster. 6 weeks later when the operation theatre guy was sawing the plaster off, I saw my own open wound and fainted and for three days after it, I kept fainting everytime I saw that particular wound. So that was a pretty bad experience and now I carry a scar reminding me of that. If we shift our focus from wounds to scars, a greater topic opens up that is so much more personal. Scars stay. They always stay and keep poking you at the absolute wrong time about how they came along. They have a way of reminding you things that even the best movies can’t. Everytime someone mentions how they were scarred for life, they’re poking at a wound of their own selves. They may bandage it up with lots of money, sex and materialistic ventures, but those stitches will forever come off. Unless…unless you shove a finger inside, rip it open, show them those wounds exist and use their own little sense of comfort to bandage it up. It takes oh-so-long, but that’s a permanent close down of that wound. It’ll stay forever. As a scar, as a reminder of how much more worse it could be. Take for example, love. Now people go on about how love is shit, brings pain to everyone and whoever has been hurt in love goes through endless cycles of random sex, abusing drugs or simple alcoholism. Never have those people ever realised how it takes two to tango. You need the other person to dig into you. Not in frenzy but with complete grace and love for you. If you have been hurt and thrown away in love you’ve never been in love. True, it hurts. But one day when in an intense conversation with Robbie about relationships he mentioned how relationships can only be alive by the two’s hunger to sustain it. Again, you’ll fight and argue and then hate each other, but you aren’t hating the person you know, you’re hating the parts of your partner that don’t sit comfortably with you. You keep praying that they’ll listen to you but eventually you need to realise that’s them. That’s inherent to them. You must make peace with their flaws so that you, as a responsible partner, can help fix their wounds. Their wounds make you want to protect them, cocoon them inside you. But what’s this? You have even bigger wounds. How do you deal with that? That’s when you talk to them. Explain all that needs to go into your wounds. All the care and understanding that you require and pray to god it would happen. You’re just an ever-evolving puzzle piece. Each wounds settles and unsettles you. Like the way an earthquake gently undulates the surface of the planet in a tiny way possible, the same way your wounds make you, you. Inside and out. Only the sun remains to shine out your bum but we shall get to that. Hasn’t it happened so many days when you had your wounds ripped open again and again by the one person who’s supposed to heal them and all you’ve ever done is lie bleeding on the kitchen floor waiting for a pick up? That’s you evolving through that wound. True relationships are that. They’re butter. Warm and comfy and make you obese and cause so many diseases. But unlike butter, relationships set you free. Atleast the beautiful ones. And I’m not talking about break ups. I mean showing you the right way, the only way. That’s a heartbreaking path to be on, full of healing and reopened wounds. But do go through the roller coaster that’s going to be your life. All you need is to trust them to take you out of pain too. 

There’ll always be good things, and then there’ll be better. You need to choose the wounds you’re good with opening, because once you do, they’ll be changed forever and also the way you’ll look into them. 

Wounds are a pretty nasty things to have but you’re only human. Now scars, scars are cool since you know you’re out of whatever was causing you pain and you have a lesson etched right there on your flesh to tell you to stay within your emotional range. Know when to let things go. 

The title of my post is the famous form of pottery repair by the Japanese. Their potters have a way of joining broken pottery using gold to fill the cracks instead of cheap gum. Doing that gives those objects a new sense of preciousness. That’s what we all need, we don’t want to be repaired, we have to elevate ourselves to preciousness. 

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