I have loved you. Through the storms when I couldn’t see your face, through solar flares where the light shone too bright, through a pinhole camera when the world turned upside down. I have loved you. I was the rotten inside of a puff pastry gone sour, the termite ridden core of a big, moulding block of wood sitting on a bed of rusty nails. I was the nightmare that you ran away from parallely. I was the ugly heart you hated in your own life, parallely. But I have loved you.
I am the girl who walks on beds of coal to make you see what you ever mean to me. I am the girl who stays up nights to help you fight your demons, the same demons I fight, alone. Our demons clash in a spurt of noise and rot and everything bad in the world. It continues to grow because we don’t hold hands. But I have loved you.
My cigarettes run out, my alcohol cabinet runs dry, my drugs remain in constant supply. I walk past you everyday. You, in a daze of things you don’t believe are happening. Me, in a daze of wishes and promises. I take a step to the right, take a step to the left. I roam around the world just to come home to you. The warmth in your arms, your breath on my face, your heart beating against me. Your eyes piercing into mine, our fingers intertwined in each other’s like the vines in a forest grown wild. My hair on your face, your face in mine. Under the blankets, cold winter nights just started being our destiny. With an arm that protects me and keeps me close, a blanket shapes out of it. We stay warm in the nights, we stay cold in the days. Drinking up tea in the middle of the nights, cuddling on a cold floor in the lack of a blanket. I have loved you.
In the days when I haven’t been able to hold your hands, I try and make my words warm. But I have loved you.
This is the world we live in, the place we’ve been sitting in, and you’re the arms I’ve been wrapped in. The warmth of the past days fade away, replacing everything that we’ve ever felt melting our cold hearts. Now we are cold, professional slabs of granite. But I’ve loved you.


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