To realize that we have had the best of someone or something, we have to lose it/them first. Then an overwhelming feeling of loss comes over, which later we realize is the pride of having loved something so deeply, so completely, that nothing may ever come close to matching those moments you had shared. Once, while sitting idle and listening to music, I came across this song by Vertical Horizon called “Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)”. It’s about how a lover left for a future, much brighter than the one they ever shared.
“So you sailed away, into a grey sky morning
Now I’m here to stay, love can be so boring”
When he left, it was a cloudy day. I saw him in the distance, throwing me a kiss and smiling a loving smile for me. I stayed back, sad and helpless, unable to stop him from going away because what the future held for my darling was better than what I would have been able to give him. Finding anyone else, close to the perfection that he was, was impossible.
“Nothing’s quite the same now
I just say your name now
But it’s not so bad; you’re only the best I ever had
You don’t want me back; you’re just the best I ever had” [Chorus]
Life changed as soon as I had the last glimpse of him, never to see him or touch him ever again. Our lives uprooted by distance, never to come back to the point of infinite love and care. It’s a lie saying it wasn’t so bad. My heart was tossed and turned around, everytime I thought of him. He didn’t want to do anything with me, but I always loved him. It was the silent shattering of a mirror that showed us our life together, all I had left were the pieces on the floor.
“So you stole my world, now I’m just a phony
Remembering the girl (boy), leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter, make yourself feel better” [Chorus]
My world wasn’t stolen, it changed completely. I became a woman from a girl. He was the man every girl should have. I had him and I let him go. Everyday spent with him, brought me closer to the moment where I had to let go of him, and betray him. Every thought, feel and memory of him was a shame for me. Days would be the same routine and nothing changed in life, except that he wasn’t there. He was in a happier place and it made me sad.
“And it may take some time to patch me up inside
But I can’t take it so I run away and hide
And I may find in time that you were always right
You’re always right
So you sailed away…”
Nothing was able to make me feel better again, it was only temporary happiness and my heart has always craved for him. It has been a few years since he ever left, left my side. We were soulmates that got thrown away on two ends of the earth. It’s like a crawling existence that neither he can help nor can I. It is living with the truth that that face will be touched by many a women but it will never be me.
And he sailed away. He sailed away with our hopes, our plans and our dreams. Never to return to my arms, or breathe with me, looking into my eyes, with our fingers intertwined with each other, to never let go. But I let go.
If only you see me now, how broken I am without you, you would know how to fix me.
There it is, one of my favorite songs, broken into understandable little stories.