“I’ll wait for you” I said. Never knowing when he would come back, his return again setting us back by a few hundred years. I have stopped being sure of anything now, its a dull throbbing pain, trying to make myself believe in perfect lies.
And there he was, at the door, smiling that smile I missed so dearly. I was sure he came back for me, but wasn’t sure if he wanted to say it. There lies the problem. Him and I, we were us, but just silently. The words that meant so much to both of us never left our lips. His fingertips on my face, mine on his, a million thoughts racing in my mind. I didn’t know if he felt the same.
When, at night, we lay together, just our naked bodies touching, we stare outside into the cloudless sky. “What are you thinking of, sweetheart?” he said to me. “Nothing love” I replied. There was a storm brewing inside of me. I’m a great talker, talking my way through every situation. But right here, lying with him, words fail me. My brain cannot make a single comprehensible sentence. I think about the many men who want to be with me, telling me they love me or like me or the countless other things that make a girl happy. Should I go forth and find my happiness or should I just be lying here, smelling his sweetness and holding his hand? I am selfish so I hold on to him.
Something about him makes me tongue-tied, unable to register unhappiness. But isn’t this what love is? Or is love just a candyfloss on a perfect Sunday? I cannot define it neither can I spell it out.
He says I’m the love of his life, but am I? He says I’m his number one, but am I? I question a million things but his smile gives me the answers. I know a million reasons to walk out of this room, leave him lying in his dreams of me, but I choose to stay. To make him smile and smile in return.