Things to do in…

Things to do in your lonely time.

  1. Do not listen to any song that has the word lonely. Especially that sad one by Akon. I know you’re going to listen to some sad songs, why not try the Beatles?
  2. Walk around the house in your comfy, mushy slippers and girly panties. It’s the best feeling in the world and no one is going to say anything about unwanted hair and love handles. Oh and if your “someone” does complain about these things, dump the bastard.
  3. Start cooking, using your heart and excellent culinary skills. We girls have been blessed with brains and a lot of tastebuds, so go crazy in the kitchen. Even if you spoil the kitchen, who’s going to complain? Clean up a week later or don’t bother at all.
  4. Call the girls over for wine, cake and chips. Sit in your jammies , bitch and gossip. I have my gossip girls around, do you? Make sure you annihilate the persons’ complete personality. Best thing to do!
  5. Don’t forget the weed. J
  6. Take a shower that lasts an eternity. Scrub yourself, put on that amazing perfume that you just got, take a whole day to put on your makeup. Call up your girls, rent a limo and “woo” the whole town down.
  7. For the times that your friends are not around, keep your pocket rocket handy.
  8. Go online on facebook and stalk the people you hate or people who’re just ugly. Make a list of why they’re hated by you. You know you own the world!
  9. Go to www.idatedthatdouche.com and find out why girls need their own planet.
  10. Remember why god gave you a vagina. No one abuses vaginas, abuses relate to dicks and that’s how you know you rule.
  11. There are a million men out there who still haven’t lost their mojo. Wait for one of them to hit your life, and that’s when you can forget the above 10 pointers. Till then, follow. 😀
  12. Know how to be mean and sarcastic but in a “fluttering eyelashes” kind of way.
  13. Start travelling alone, it will take your mind off so many things and this way you get to meet hot men without worrying about them hitting on your girlfriends.
  14. Learn to turn down men who take advantage of your singledom by pestering you. It’s your single and alone time, no one is allowed in it.
  15. Keep your heart safe and strong before you know the person is alright to share your heart. Still I say, be wary of every man out there. You never know when they morph into a hated, alien species.

 

God, just give us a planet already. 

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